“You can’t heal what you never reveal!” -Jay Z
You cant heal until you reveal the secrets that you hold on to that either bother you or once bothered you. Dont be ashamed because someone somewhere has been in your shoes or wear your shoes.
I think in order to be able to grow and move on from things from your past, you have to be able to confront them head on. You have to face it and ask questions. We all have dealt with something that made you go hmmm, and question it. This here is one of mine, but I know many like me can agree!
“You’re pretty for a dark skin woman!”
Its always nice to be told you are pretty or beautiful, not because you are concieted or feeling yourself a little too much but simply because we are human and those little reminders can make someone feel good on the inside. And then suddenly that compliment is shot down because it is followed by, “For a black women,” or “To be dark skinned.”
Huh! What the does that even mean? Does that mean since I am a dark skin women I am not suppose to be pretty? I get tired of hearing that. For so long I use to ignore it and just take the so called compliment, because for me those compliments didn’t seem to come often. But as I got older and became wiser to the things going on around me, I don’t accept hearing it anymore. It doesn’t make me feel good. I mean if you think I am pretty thank you. But is it necessary to include, “To be dark skinned?” I really want to understand what this means. Am I not suppose to be pretty because of my skin?
I rarely hear comment such as what black women hear to other women. Who says that you have to have light skin, to be pretty. I believe that if you are pretty, you are just pretty. Not pretty to be whatever you are, but pretty simply because you are.
I don’t want to be “Pretty for a dark skinned woman,” I just want to be pretty. Some things are just obvious and don’t need to be pointed out. Me being a dark skinned black women is one of them. I remember as a young girl the lighter skin girls always got the attention. See, for me, I always get so happy to see someone get that attention because I never wanted anyone to feel the way I did or sometimes still do feel on the inside.
True story, one day when I was much younger, I went to the local store and picked up a jar of lightening cream. I always hid the bottle because I didn’t want my family or anyone else to know what I was doing. This was one of my little secrets. I was actually ashamed of what I thought about doing to my skin, that it always stayed a secret. But long story short, I wanted to lighten my skin to be “Pretty.” But, I never did it because the thought of the chemicals to lighten my skin scared me. I never did it, but I did think about it.
It just honestly doesn’t make me feel good to hear the words, “For a dark skinned women.”
Then to top it off I am told that I sound and talk white. Huh! What does that mean? What, because I articulate my words and speak proper english? I don’t understand. Please someone explain to me what this means. Is speaking proper English something that black people aren’t suppose to know how to do?
I’m confused. Why? Because when I am told that I am pretty for a dark skin girl or woman, or I talk white, it makes me start to question what that means and of course no one ever has an answer that make any sense to me.
It took me many years to except who I am, and my looks. Its not always easy being in the skin, the shoes that you are in. If only people could put themselves into your shoes, then maybe just maybe they would understand. I had to do a whole lot of soul searching and self reflecting to get to where I am now.
Its not the thought of being called ugly because people are entitled to their opinion. I understand that I am not pretty to everyone, and that is ok. It’s the mere thought of the fact that according to societies standards I’m suppose to be ugly, hence the term, “For a dark skinned girl/woman.”
By all means, don’t feel sorry for me, I dont feel sorry for myself. I’m not looking for the woe is me. I am just honestly curious as to the meaning if it. If I am pretty, why can’t I just be that, “pretty?” Just let me be. Be what? Exactly who I am, a pretty black women who speaks the English language properly.
Most of my life I’ve never been able to put myself next to the word pretty. To this day I still struggle with saying, I am pretty! I had someone repeatedly tell me how pretty I was then told me to say it. I couldn’t. Instead I said, “I am what I am! He asked me what that meant. My response was, “Everyone is going to have a different opinion about me, so what ever that is to them that is their opinion so it is what it is and, I am what I am to them.”
Fast forward to today. I am so happy that today more women are excepting and embracing the skin that they are in. I except me as I am. I am learning to love the skin that I am in regardless of what society says is pretty. One thing I’m not trying to do is fit societies standard of beautiful. I don’t want to fit in, I want to stand out. If altering myself to be pretty is what is “in” then I want out. My skin is uniquely mine.
“My skin is beautiful and the more I see women who look just like me embrace our skin, I embrace my skin that much more!” -Andre’a MsDraya Daniels
Just please stop telling me I’m pretty for a black women or a dark woman. I am just pretty! I don’t, “talk white,” I just speak proper english.
“People come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Love yourself or no one else will. You are beautiful! Never let someone tell you otherwise.” -Andre’a MsDraya Daniels
As I always say, these are just my thoughts because I am… Just me, MsDraya!